Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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