My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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