So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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