i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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