So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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