we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
