k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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