She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
