I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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