It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
