Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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