hotel room ftw
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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