You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
