Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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