You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
