even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
