Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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