Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
