I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
