so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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