I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
