Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
