no one should ever give us hovercrafts
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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