The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
