I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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