I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize