I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
