I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
