Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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