just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
