We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
