it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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