On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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