i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
