I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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