We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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