I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
