I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think I won the penis lottery.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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