Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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