I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
