Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
