i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
