the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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