By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
