I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
