this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
