my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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