Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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