Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
