The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
