I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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