I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
