I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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