I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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