Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
