Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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