I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
