well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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