How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
