The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
