i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
