u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
