Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
