And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
