Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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