So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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