im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
