I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
