if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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