I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it was like eating out sand paper
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
