My cat gives me a boner
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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