So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
