dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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