someone threw a dead crab at me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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