You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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