Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
