i permit you to call me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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