The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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