Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
