If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I need a burrito and a hug.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
