i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
