you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
