Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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