He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
